I have managed to hang on to my virginity to the ripe age of 25.  I shall be loosing it in a matter of a few weeks. I feel crap about it.

First it was Religion and Morality. The ‘Me No Skank, Brotha’ syndrome…that however stopped the moment my first Love did what them-boys-do-so-well; The kissing, the touching, the nibbling, the sucking, soon made me forget all that… I was stupid and so I wanted to take it slow. He really loved me and wanted me to be ready. Time flew by. Love kept growing. Until he died.

Also a friend of mine got pregnant when she was 16 and had to get an abortion. Needless to say, the experience was horrifying for her. I have always been strictly pro-life and I knew I would have to live with whatever happens following that.

Second time around, I wasn’t really tempted. I mean not enough.

Also the breakup which followed the second one was nasty. He said a lot of stuff, which included a lot of mean ass comments. I distinctly remember the ‘oh I got you to do all that for free’…  

Third time around I got engaged and then it was just a simple thing. If you have waited so long, why not just wait a little more. Loosing your virginity on your wedding night, with kabhi kabhi mayray dil may playing in the background was a pretty enough picture then. Also I had realized how forever is just another word. Even an engagement is not enough. Fucked up; I know.

..And now when I am just a few weeks away from getting married. I realize what an anti-climax this one is going to be! How none of the stupid reasons I had for hanging on to my virginity, justify it. Religion, Playing it safe, Parents, Reputation, Morality… none of it are worth it. I deserved getting a fairy-tale kick-ass first time and I can clearly look back at the past 6, 7 years and say that the ideal time was some where in the there. Not on my wedding night.

Sex should be sacred. And your first time should always be with some one special irrespective of whether you are married to them or not. Waiting to sign a paper before you jump in to the sack is sad and overrated.